With a toddler, travel deep not broad
/As we planned this adventure, I kept thinking about all the things we wouldn’t be able to do this time around. With a toddler in tow, I knew we weren’t going to hike 20 miles a day like we did in Patagonia...or spend full days sightseeing like we did in European capitals...or stay in open-air bungalows and ride around on scooters like we did in Thailand.
Literally pulling a flower apart petal by petal on an evening walk in Lincoln City, Oregon.
But eventually I stopped obsessing about my own FOMO, and started thinking about what we could do. It occurred to me that spending time with Luca is like a study in mindfulness. The kid can spend ten full minutes examining a dandelion. He doesn’t like to be rushed. We were not going to be bopping from the Sistine Chapel to the Roman Forum, but we could settle into a place and learn it really, really well.
Not only that, but as a toddler Luca thrives on routine and repetition--and rewards us by totally flourishing when we balance out the new adventures with things that feel familiar, even from doing them once before. In our first week in Oregon, he proved this on an evening walk routine we established, where he was not only able to discover cactus, wild artichokes, and other interesting plants--but also pick wild blackberries growing by the side of the road and pop them right into his mouth.
How to Go Deep with a Toddler
Give yourself enough time in a place to live like a local. Shop at the grocery store, hang out at the library or the coffee shop, use the playgrounds, go swimming at the local pool--whatever local families with young kids are doing.
Don’t over-schedule your days. Pick one activity for the morning and one for the afternoon, max. This leaves room for toddler-style meandering, meeting people, and serendipity.
Splash out on a little comfort. I don’t know about you, but as the mom of a toddler I’m a lot less tolerant of discomfort while traveling than I used to be. I want a warm, comfy bed to sleep in, I want peace and quiet (no more hostels above the bar), and I want to be able to prepare my own food at least some of the time (this is pretty much essential for toddler travel as far as I’m concerned...who wants to dine out with a 2 year-old for every meal?). On Airbnb, you can filter for homes that are family friendly, and they often include travel cribs and toys, which are a real blessing in a new place. At our Airbnb cottage in Portland last week, I asked the host to have cereal, milk, and fruit waiting for us since I anticipated Luca would wake up super early due to the time change, and she kindly obliged.
Establish some routines and rituals. I first learned about the importance of routines while traveling during a Fulbright orientation session. They’re helpful for adults and even more crucial for little ones. And they can help you get to know a place so much more intimately. Some of our routines and rituals include an evening walk, a morning trip to the same coffee shop, feeding peanuts to bluejays off the patio, watering the flowers at our housesit, getting a smoothie or an ice cream cone at a favorite spot, and driving to the beach to check out the ocean conditions.
Meet people. Like dogs, little kids attract attention and affection. Don’t shy away from it. Let your tot’s antics be the entree into adult conversation with another parent, or shopkeeper, or passerby. People are as much a part of a place as its landscape or cuisine, and knowing some locals will make your experience so much richer.
Offer choices. At two and a half, Luca is now old enough to know what he wants to do and be able to express it. Most of the time I plan our days, but if I occasionally put him in charge by asking “Would you rather go to the beach or the bookstore?” he gets very excited about making a decision and is more likely to have a positive response to the whole experience.
Let go. Try following your tot’s lead--if only for an hour, give her free reign to take all the time she likes. Let her pick up and turn over every stone at the lake. Sit back and watch as he plucks the petals off a flower or sorts out the “good wood chips” from the “bad wood chips” at the playground. When it threatens to drive you crazy, remember that it’s good for their brains--and yours too.
None of this is rocket science, but sometimes with a toddler it takes getting out of your everyday habits and patterns to try something different. Travel provides plenty of opportunity for that.
